Not in a million years!

My family is crazy. I am ok with that because it makes my crazyness seem less. In the world of crazy, there is someone else that is crazy, just less then the rest of the family. That is my loving and caring aunt, ShellyBelly. She is probably one of the only people that actually reads this blog so I figured I would send her a shout out. She is going to give me some plants from her garden so I can plant them. I just hope this time I don't kill them. The last two lasted for a while, but there is not enough light in my apt so they died. But don't tell her, she might get mad at me.

And just because she thought it was funny that I posted pictures of my mom and dad, her is ShellyBelly.

Baby oh baby

I was born and raised in the same house. My parent bought it before I was born and due to the divorce agreement, they had to sell it when I turned 18. It was the only house I ever knew. As I mentioned before, my sister is getting a divorce after only a few months of marriage. They both probably cheated on each other. They now have a house and a kid to deal with.

When my sister bought the house I knew there was no way they would be able to pay for it. Her husband makes around 35K a year and my sister has a problem with keeping a job for over six months. I guess employers don't like when their employees lie about their background. Not to mention Tim has another child he has to pay for.

When I was about 6, my mom worked at Target during the nights. She was saving up for a baby grand piano. She always wanted one and dreamed of teaching piano classes. After a year she saved enough money and purchased one. It was a beautiful Mahogany baby grand that was used to play for Garrison Keillor.

When we moved the piano went into storage. My sister tried to sell it, but it never worked. When she bought the house, the piano went with her. Now that she is moving, I may get it!

So my sister called me to see if I wanted anything from her house for my new one. I mentioned the piano and she said that it was "Padriug's toy". WTF! What type of kid gets a Mahogany baby grand piano for a toy? She said I could pay for it to be moved, but when she finds a new house, she gets it back.

After calling my mom, I knew there was something up. She said that I could have it after I moved in, but Theresa would get it back in time. I even offered to buy it and my mom said I don't have to. My mom refusing money is a first!

I will have a back yard!

Right now my back yard is a parking lot. I do not go out there after dark due to the fear of being killed. Now I will have a back yard. It is not all too big, but big enough to have a table and chairs for BBQ's. And since it is my yard, it can be all soy meat. Ha ha! Yeppi! New house

I peed a little

Monday was my inspection (yes, I am behind on posting). I brought my dad because the place has issues with electrical work. As we pull up, I notice the house looks very different then I remember. The whole front wall was gone. Gone diddy gone gone. I freaked! Saturday night was a major rain storm and distroyed Hugo MN.

In a daze, I walk up to my inspector. He was on the phone. All I heard was "yes, she just got here. I will let her know". My heart sunk. I was convinced that the wall fell and it was going to be something I had to fix. There was no way I could afford that so I would have to pass on the house.

The housing gods were smiling upon me. I guess the city of MPLS demanded that the bank replace the front wall before they sold it to me. I nearly peed in excitment! The retaining wall was horrible and would have had to be replace. The new wall would cost at least 10K because it is very long.

I was also going to have to wait to plant in the front because it was so unstable. Now I can plant an entire herb garden!

Reasons I hate this place - Sunday night

Dustin and I went to a friends for a BBQ. It was great because Ben is a contractor and his wife, Kari, is very handy. They both gave me a lot of great ideas. I totally am going to have a green house! Ben and Kari are the two in the picture that are not Dustin and I.

After Holly and I went for another walk. We met in the middle. The goal was to find a park with good swings. I believe we are swingers at heart. The sad realization is that parks are no longer being built with swings. We visited on park and the only two swings were in much need of some WD40. The next was a new park without any swings! What kind of fucked up park does not have swings.

We were heading home when we found Mecca. A playground with 4 swings. Sure, there were two people having a date, but we wanted to swing.

"I once new a girl who swung so high that she went all the way around" I said.

"No, you lie!" says Holly.

"No, it's true. But you don't know her. She lives in a different town now."

I am really going to miss Holly and our swinging ways.

Reasons I hate this place - Sunday

I slept very little because of the party. I fell a sleep at about 3:00 and woke up many times. To drowned out the noise, I slept with the TV on. That was my first mistake.

It was 5 am, only two hours after I fell asleep. If you are single, watching tv before 8 am on a weekend is a bad thing. I woke up to this show called Dragon. It is about a Dragon who lives in a town with other animals. Of course they all are named after what they are. The cat is Cat, the ostrich is Ostrich and so on.

I was so disturbed my this children's tv program. The first half was on how Dragon got a tire stuck to his tail. They attempted to get the tire off of Dragon's butt. Ostrich had the great idea to peck the tire off of his ass. This worked until he had to stop because the Dragon was ticklish. What the FUCK! What type of phedophile wrote that script? The Dragon is ticklish when some one pecks at his butt?

Reasons I hate this place - Saturday

Saturday: after the nice morning at the bank, I went for a walk with Holly. It is one of the few things I am going to miss about the neighborhood. Holly lives 7 blocks away and we can walk back and forth. I fear that when I move I will not see her as much.

However, the rest of the night was different. The people downstairs decided to have a party. They left the front door open so I feared that someone was going to break in to my apt. The thing about it is, the safety in this crap-shack is not good. The front code has not changed in years and my lock is very old. I found a way to ridge my apt so if someone got in the door and came to my bedroom they would make a lot of noise. I slept with pepper spray and a knife under my pillow. Yes, I did cut my arm.

Reasons I hate this place - Friday

I don't know if it is just because I am excited to move that I have been noticing all the bad things about this place. This weekend just put the icing on the cake.

Friday: the people across the street were having a party that I could hear from my bedroom. They decide to start the party at 12:00 by lighting fireworks. People should NEVER light fireworks in the ghetto. Every time one went out makes me jump. "was that a gun shot". It has happened in this neighborhood so it is not crazy to think.

The bank

There are only a few things I hate in this world. Going to the post office, taking out the trash and going to the bank. I try my best to avoid said dreaded things. If I could, I would never do any of the three hated things. However, I would never have stamps, my apt would smell like trash covering the kitty poo-poo and I would have to hid all my money in my mattress.

My Realtor informed me that I would have to go to the bank to get a cashier check for the earnest money for the home. When he told me, shivers went through my spine. I knew nothing good would come from it.

I woke up earlier on Saturday to go the bank. The nearest TCF is on Lake street in the Cub Foods. I knew it was not going to be good.

So I get there and the line is about 15 deep. There was nothing I could do because I had no idea where the next bank was. Hating banks as much as I do, I am not familar with where they are located.

After about an hour, I finally made it to the front. During the time in the line, I figured each person needed 10-15 minutes. All I had to do was deposit some checks and get a cashier check. Simple, right? So I got all my checks deposited and when I asked for a cashier check, they told me I needed two forms of ID or my checkbook and an ID. I only carry a major credit card and my drivers license. Who carries two forms of ID? Who carries their checkbook? This is 2008! Most places don't even accept checks!

One more reason why I hate banks....

They like me!

They really like me! They took my offer! After the inspection I will be a home owner. Yes, me, a home owner.

So, I stopped and bought some stuff to start packing up my crap-ass apt. I am going to purge a lot of things. Tomorrow I will stop by a local Goodwill to drop off the good things I no longer need. I figure they will not need my crap, so I will only donate things I would only give to a friend....I wonder where the nearest Goodwill is.

One more reason to move

I hate the mornings. I hate them even more when I have to take a shower in the morning. It just sucks! I would rather be sleeping. However, I would rather not smell. So, like every other morning in my crap-ass apt, someone else decided to take a shower at the same time and the water went from freezing to super hot every couple minutes. I had a window of about 35 second to actually shower.

I hate my place....

Sign here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here

John came into my work today and I signed for the house! I under bid, so it is a game of wait and see. It could take up to a week to 6 months. If I don't here soon, I will start looking at other places. Now to finish this blog entry, I will put some fun pictures of me doing what I do best...that is being awesome.

My money, my mistake

Following the craziness that ensued at little P's b-day, Dustin and I decided to go visit the house. He so kindly reminded me that I am a princess and always get what I want. I would like to say that is he wrong, but he is right. I do always fight for what I want and usually win.

I realized I really should involve my boyfriend, especially since I do plan on spending the rest of my life with him. He might be spending some time at my new house. Plus, we probably will sell it together.

I decided to make a bid on the house. Not to spite my family, but because it is the best deal out there. I had a very long conversation with my boss (why does she always enlighten me over my parents?) and my father. Both said that I have always made good decisions and to follow my gut. That is what I am going to do!

The reason I drink

My mom and dad divorced when I was 7 and have not been able to sit in the same room without fighting. They spent more money on lawyer fees then the price of this house...money well spent I am sure.

There is no need for the world's smallest violin for my sake, I understand my f'ed up family. I am use to the crazy, it makes me feel better about my crazy.

So, I was at my nephews birthday party and my sister never mentioned to my dad that my mom would be there. I always warn the other because the crazy ensues when the two are around. However, my sister does not care about anyone but herself so it was fine for her to have the two together.

My parents are rarely in the same room without a judge present. This time there was not a judge, but my great aunt, Sister Mary Ann was there. So I guess someone holy has to be around for them.

My family has a big glaring issue to deal with: my sister is getting a divorce after being married for only 6 months because both were unfaithful. Instead of dealing with the big issue, they decided to focus on me buying a house. To make matters even better, my dad thought it would be fun if he egged my mom on.

So my mom knew about the red trim house and was completely focused on that. She HAD to see it. I kept telling her I didn't want that house because of the octopus furnace, but she didn't care. They even got the nun involved! I'm glad I could divert the attention.

The littlest foreman in the world

I decided to take another look at the white house with my mom and Mike. My plan was really to have Mike take a look at the place. He is all sorts of handy. I just had to go through my mom to get Mike out there. I knew that my mom would never go for any house that I want to buy.

Mike took a look around and came up with this list:
- needs new front and back stairs
-garage needs a new roof
-the bathroom needs to be completely re-done
-the carpet is bad
-the electrical work in the basement is bad
-the retaining wall needs to be replaced
-the kitchen can not be expanded
-the basement has some water damage
-one basement window needs to be replaced
-the side door needs to be replaced
-the paneling may not be able to be replaced

So that is a short list! Right? The key about everything is that all of it can be fixed and none of it has to be done right away! I can work on the yard during the summer and replace all the inside things. The electrical need is actually a good thing because my dad is an electrician!

What do you see

Who ever designed this room said, 'man, I would like my bed room to look live a swimming pool.' There is superman blue carpet and light blue walls. It is seriously wrong!

Well that is what the main bedroom looks like. It is going to take a lot of paint to bring it to my 'fox red' and 'cream' night-time goodness has to offer. Not to mention it is too small for my vintage sewing machine, chair and all things that make the Annie pad the love nest that it is. *It is really not a love pad in anyway, I just think it is fun to play 'pretend'.

I'm in love

I'm in love. A love that I never felt before. A love that I know will last a couple years. A love so strong that it can only be felt towards an inanimate object. I am in love with a house.

Not to worry, Dustin. I know we said that we would divorce just because it was $300. But I would take your record collection. I know you would not allow that.


It is a three bedroom, one bath dream house for Annie. It is in a neighborhood that I do not believe I should be in. My poor white trash-ass should be in a run-down neighborhood where people spend most their time on the 'stoop'. * I do love my stoop sitting nights.* But if I can sit in the back yard, that is better!

The best thing about the house is it has an upstairs. I real upstairs! one that has stairs a normal person can walk up. Yeppi! The upstairs will be my 'fun room'. I can contain my mess into one level and have the rest clean!

The next two

There were two houses that I think Jen and Carly can best explain..

Panda love

I think every blog has to have Panda Love.

Panda Love is the creepy toy I have at my desk that is motion activated. Putting it under my co-workers desk on April Fools was golden. "Did anyone hear that?"..."There it is again!" Ha ha, got ya!

"I don't have to be perfect"

The last house that me and my Realtor went to was a home described as a "3+ bedroom on rare NE cul-de-sac". I know that a cul-de-sac in the cities just a dead-end, or as I call it, a "ghetto culdasak".
My first impression of the house was that it was a 'nice old house'. It had hardwood floors, big windows and a lot of character.

I was walking around until I heard my Realtor laugh. I went in the room he was in and there was a chalkboard with some inspiring words..."I don't have to be perfect". Sad but funny.

The house was nice but it was like the design was submitted via Lincoln logs. It seriously looked like rooms were made due to how many pieces were left. I can picture the 10 year-old kid saying "oh, here is another room, and right here. Mom! Do we have another box? Yes, ok. Here is another room."
It was like that re-accruing dream I have that I live in a house that has numerous unknown rooms. *seriously, that is a dream I often have.

*Every time I reference Lincoln Logs, I think of Michael and our camping trip. We went to Jay Cook and on the way up we passed a field of wood. We were on walki-talkies and he tapped in - "best Lincoln Log project ever!" We drank Hamms beer, talked about the gay burrito, pee'd on ourselves (only Michael), and fell into the fire by slipping on a package of Cheddar-worst there by burning the hand and changing the marriage line (that was me).

Lets see what is out there

The first house that we looked at was a no-go. It was right on University and I thought I was drunk while in the house. There had to have been a foot difference in the floor thoughout the house. I seriously had the urge to drop a marble and see where it ended up.

NEXT!!

Walking up to the house, we knew that there were issues. The deck on the front was just about the fall apart. It reminded me of my uncles love of decks, without the love of up-keep.

The place was small...really small... However, the details said the house was much larger. There was one room that we questioned if it was really a bedroom because it was the same size of my closet. Then we realized there was probably an upstairs. After hunting for a couple of minutes we found the stairs to "upstairs and downstairs". Basically it looked like some guy got really drunk one night and found a hammar. I attempted to walk upstairs but soon realized I value my life too much so I backed off.

NEXT!!

Second day

My first day was good with the house with the red trim. I knew that I could afford more so I decided to up my price to 130K. That opened up the houses to new stuff. I created a list and sent it to my realitor. Lets hope they are better!

Condo?

I did think about buying a condo. They are so nice. Everything is so new and lovely. I could have a coffee shop in my building! Oh yeah, that is class.

I did talk to some condo sellers and I just couldn't justify the ass'n fee. Why would I give people my hard-earned money to do basic things. I totally would be the crazy condo person that everyone hated because I would make so many changes. Yeah, my mailbox is green and there is nothing they can do about it! Oh, they can?

Keeping with the theme of my 24th b-day party, I put the 'ass' in 'class. I am not good for condos.

No more add-ons!

After the blue house, I figured I could not buy a house with an add-on. It was never good. After seeing a du-plex that was built in the 1970's my Realtor realized that I needed something different.

The next house was the one that I had in mind (there was another with a great bathroom, but it was sold. That is ok, because the previous owner was a drug dealer...could you see me answering the door with a drug dealer. Mind you, I am the one at a high school party someone asked me for some coke. I told him I had Dr. Pepper cause that is what I was mixing my drink with).

After the longest (), my fav house was next.


I really wanted this house. It was really nice!






So this probably was the perfect house for me. The main thing was the way it was heated:



That is the second level. In the basement there is this weird thing that looks like it could hold a ghost. At first the heat comes up the first floor, then is expected to find it's way thought that small little grate. I am not that smart, nor do I think heat is either.

To buy this amazing house I would have to spend another 10K on putting ducks in so it could be normally heated. Not to mention the cost to get the deadly, deadly anti-fire thing they did. That would be another 10k.

I loved the neighborhood and the house. But I did not like the garage. I hated the garage because it made me feel bad that I never had a doll house. That was all that could fit there.



I hate to say, but I would like a back yard.

Walk-in, walk out:

I thought the color was the thing that was holding people from buying this:



I have always wanted a house that looked like Super Man's doll house. I really have! But again the second level was on five different levels. Every room was like it was in a different house. I wanted to buy it because I knew I could find the door to the next dimension. Oh, maybe a Tardis was some where in the house. Dr. Who here I come!

Alas, both my dad and realitor said we needed to leave.

...I wonder if there is a bright red house...spider man house here I come!

First home

I knew the first home was not going to be good. I actually planned it that way. I have a history of going for the first thing I see. Every other apt I have looked at I have signed a lease on the first one.

I did not want that to happen again so I was very happy to learn that the first house was not what I wanted. Mission complete:


On the outside it looks OK. But a picture can tell a thousand lies. The picture was taken before the place was boarded up. I have a creative mind and can see behind the cat smell.

Walking in, the stairs were crumbled. Then most of the windows were boarded up, which I understand to avoid squatters. I could see past that and the stained carpet, because, who really would ever put cream carpet in any house!

The thing about this house was the bathroom. I love bathrooms. I love my BTFA: Bath time for Annie. I love to be able to have a hamper in the bathroom and both my robes. I have sooooo much bath product that I need the extra space.

Past the kitchen was stairs. It was not on the floor plan, but a pleasant surprise. The upstairs was so wide and spacious. I could really see myself having my bedroom on the lower level and my studio and office upstairs. Oh, I thought I was in heaven, until it came to my attention that the floor was so un-even that I could jump and land in the basement....

NEXT

Ize got me a real-a-tor

A few months back I asked a Realtor to send me homes for Dustin. Being the controlling girlfriend that I am, I wanted to send him things I like. Yes, I am sure Dustin can do things for himself, but I can do it better.

When I decided to buy a house I asked him if he would show me around. I base my opinions on people on honesty. The thing that threw me off was his Mercedes. If you are going to spend a lot of money on a car, why not buy a hi-bred? That is why I shop at the Goodwill. I can get really high-quality stuff for a great price and spend the extra money on better things....like booze.

That being said, he was a really awesome guy. He never tried to put me in homes I can't afford. He always emailed me back right away. He worked on my time. Mad awesome.

At the first house he was also honest. Before going out I told him that if there were structural issues I didn't want to mess with the place. Right away he told me the house may have structural issues.

My first day

My dad picked me up at 9:00 today to go see homes in North East. I decided to take him with to be the 'man' and check out the things I would miss. As a 25 year-old women, I realize that I need someone to assist me with details. However, he just decided to use the street as his tissue by doing the side snot (you know where you cover one nostrial and blow so the nasty goes out the other end and attacks the street. I hate that. Tissue is not that expensive or steal some toliet paper from a public bathroom if needed.) But he paid for lunch and I am never unhappy about free food!

This is my father. The crazy apple does not fall far from the crazy tree



***I know people call it Nordeast, but I am not one of those. I did not grow up there and do not feel I can call it by his nickname. Complaints can be sent right up your ass if you have a problem with it.