conversation between me and my mom

I love my mom, but sometimes she is just a little off. She came over on Saturday to help me clean my basement and head up operation kill buggies. Here is one of the many conversations that confused me so.

Mom- You know you have a crack in your toilet seat?
Me - Of course. I will be replacing the bathroom soon so that repair can wait.
Mom - Your brother also has a crack in his toilet seat. The problem is his is right in the middle so every time I sit down it pinches my butt.
Me - Neat.
Mom - That is why I use his bathroom in the basement.
Me - Neat.

Two hours later, my mom is cleaning the bathroom and I am working on the kitchen. My mom comes out of the bathroom with the toilet seat in hand.

Mom - I took off the toilet seat. You can go to Home Depot and get another one. They are cheap.
Me - Ok, I don't plan on going there today though.
Mom - You will just have to hover and not drink so much water.

Then she trots back to cleaning the bathroom. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't understand why she just didn't wait until I had a new toilet seat before she removed the old one. For some reason, she thinks it is hover then sit on a cracked toilet seat - that mind you - does not have a crack placed in a position to pinch her butt.

I then decided to push up my Home Depot to later that night. About two hours after my mom left, I got a call from her. I will attempt to transcribe it:

AnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnie - Do not buy a new toilet seat. I was looking around my house and found one. (In a sing-songy voice). I will send the toilet seat to your house tomorrow with your aunt. AnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnieAnnie. I found a toilet seat. Do not buy a new one.

So I am thinking - what the fuck. Where did she get this toilet seat. Was she looking around her house and realized - oh - there's one, and pulled it off her own toilet. Or, was she over at someones house and took theirs? I can pictures someone walking in their bathroom and realizing their toilet seat is gone as my mom sneaks out the front door with horse shoe shaped object under her shirt.

Second off - a toilet seat is not something you want used. It's like underwear - no matter how many times you clean it - it is still used underwear. Plus, I am not so cheap that I am not gonna go out and buy I new one. I am willing to spurge on a new toilet seat.

So I call my aunt to figure out more about said toilet seat and she informs me that it is a new one. That brought up so many new questions. Why did she have a new toilet seat lying around the house. She has only one bathroom. Was she at a store and saw one and thought - hey, I need that. I also picture her during the Y2K scare stocking up on toilet seats in fear that the end of the world is coming and she will be out of toilet seats.

I now have a new toilet seat. The end.